Sunday, November 20, 2005

Menikah

Lazy Sunday, cloudy after the rain..
Song: Satu Bintang di langit Kelam - RSD

Tadi sore saya menyaksikan acara Nikah Gratis di televisi. Tontonan tentang sebuah keinginan sederhana (atau justru rumit?), tapi besar maknanya. Mudah-mudahan, besar pula pahalanya. Menyaksikan pasangan yang terpilih untuk dibiayai pernikahannya oleh si empunya acara, siapa pun yang mengaku manusia pasti akan tersentuh. Mereka begitu tidak percaya, bahwa kendala uang untuk menikah akhirnya bisa teratasi. Seperti kedatangan malaikat dari langit.

Keinginan sederhana,"..yang penting bisa ijab kabul, sah secara agama dan hukum negara, menjadi suami istri..."

Pernahkah mereka menginginkan hadiah pernikahan kapal pesiar seperti yang dihadiahkan Tiger Woods pada istri barunya? Atau resepsi pernikahan senilai 1,5 juta dollar di Barbados? Dengan hiburan Hootie & The Blowfish, Rod Stewart dan Elton John, sebagai pengganti penyanyi dangdut yang memeriahkan perkawinan mereka?
Tahukah mereka bahwa pernikahan seperti itu ada di dunia?
Lebih berpahala yang mana, nikah berbiaya pas-pasan atau 1,5 juta dollar?

Kakak saya yang nomor tiga juga akan menikah minggu depan. Undangan sebanyak 300 buah tentu saja terhitung sedikit untuk ukuran Indonesia, terutama karena kami berasal dari keluarga besar, Sumatera lagi. Karena itu kakak saya dan calon istrinya berminggu-minggu bergumul dengan persoalan berat: mana kerabat dan kenalan yang harus dikirimi undangan, mana yang tidak. Kakak saya dengan sangat mengecewakannya, nyeplos dengan perkataan,"..yang mana yang kira-kira bakal ngasih angpau gede aja.."
Mudah-mudahan dia tidak serius, walaupun kakak perempuan saya berpendapat ia serius dan sekarang bersedih hati dengan kenyataan itu (wanita memang terlalu banyak khawatir).

Betulkah kita bisa menilai bahwa orang ini bakal gede angpaunya, dan orang itu pasti kecil angpaunya? Kalaupun bisa, besar mana antara nilai angpau dengan doa yang tulus? Besar mana antara nilai angpau dengan hubungan baik?

Ketika saya nikah dulu, semuanya serba 'ngoboy'. Kalau bukan karena menuruti keinginan orang tua, saya maunya gak pake segala macem tetek bengek yang gak perlu. Hantaran lah, souvenir lah, pelangkah lah. Saya beruntung, karena Ayah saya adalah orang yang hanya dan hanya berpegang pada prinsip agama: tidak menjalankan tradisi kedaerahan jika di agama kami tidak diperintahkan. Jadi saya berhasil mengadakan pernikahan yang sangat simpel, nyaris bersih dari segala tradisi yang tidak perlu dan memakan biaya besar (kecuali adat tarik-tarikan ayam yang dengan mata berkaca-kaca diminta oleh ibu kedua saya untuk dilaksanakan, dan saya setujui karena biayanya tidak besar. Walaupun ngilu sendiri waktu melakukannya, berasa diri bodoh dan gak masuk akal. Demi menyenangkan beliau lah..)

Hantaran dari keluarga suami saya bukan benda-benda bermerk. Tapi barang-barang unik yang saya sukai, berasal dari koleksi lama suami saya: bendera Inggris ukuran kecil, buku Hard Days Write: The Story Behind Every Beatles' Song karya Steve Turner, dasi bergambar kolase foto-foto The Beatles.
Benda-benda hantaran yang saya beli di Mangga Dua hanyalah sepatu pesta seharga 60 ribu, tas pesta 50 ribu, baju dalam 50 ribuan, mukena 125 ribu. Semua barang itu masih saya pakai hingga sekarang.

Ada satu rahasia yang saya sembunyikan sampai sekarang, bahkan dari kakak-kakak saya. Ketika saya membeli cincin kawin, saya memperlihatkannya kepada kakak perempuan saya. Terbuat dari emas putih. Tanpa mata, apalagi berlian. Berhias semacam ukiran antik. Cantik dan sangat unik. Kakak saya mengaguminya dengan hati senang.
Cincin itu kemudian saya dan suami saling pasangkan di jari seusai ijab kabul.

Yang mereka tidak tahu adalah, saya tidak pernah punya cincin kawin. Cincin itu bukan emas putih. Terbuat dari logam murahan entah apa, saya beli seharga 5000 rupiah di toko Valu$!

Setelah acara selesai, kami mencopot cincin itu dan menyimpannya di tempat yang aman. Sekarang, entah di mana keberadaan cincin itu!

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Long Time Friendship: Part Four


Song: Di Antara Kata - Fariz RM

Read previous chapter

Yes I remember that night. The night when I found her on the net. The night I finally realized the naked truth about human friendship. If there was ever a friendship.



I was in the middle of my internet addict behavior. Developing websites, being a regular in chat rooms, surfing like crazy, trying out every new technology I could find. You know, all that jazz. Suddenly I was thinking about her. Then without expectation, typed her name on a search engine.

Then, there she was.

She lived a wonderful life in Atlanta, had just finished her business school, was a freelance web designer, just about to go to another school majoring in multimedia. She's heading to the stars.

I was so happy to finally find her, I missed her a lot.

I was in awe watching all of her works on the net: her online journal (blogging technology was not even born yet), websites she developed, web awards she's been honored with, her graphic designs, her concepts. Two words: a-mazing. And I knew it for so long. I knew she's something. I looked up to her. I wanted to be like her, remember?

I spent the whole night 'til dawn exploring her websites, reading her journal, everything. She had this section on her personal website, about people who she felt close to, put their photos and wrote what she felt about them and how they meant to her.

Don't get me wrong. I did not expect my face was gonna be there, for sure.

But Tia was there. Yes, Tia was there.

I was devastated. I dunno. It's just what I felt. I finally had to acknowledge the slap in my face that I meant nothing to her. I know, my not being on that page did not necessarily mean I meant nothing to her. Naturally, we human have our own preferences on anything in this world. Natural things, like blogs I don't read. Friends I don't call. Relatives I don't visit. It doesn't mean they don't mean a thing to me, 'coz they do. They do a lot.

Maybe it's just because Tia was there and I was not. It messed with my head, because I always thought the three of us were one package together.

I was crushed to the bone. Like what Rachel said,"There's the ground, ten feet of craps, then me." There I was. Under ten feet of craps below the ground.

This may sound even sillier and pathetic to the extreme, but I shed a tear that night. A tear for a friend I always loved dearly, who never loved me back as much as I did, and nothing I could do about it. Besides, love is not love if it's conditional, isn't it? I just never saw this coming, that's all.

Look, I don't have words and logic to explain and rationalize why I felt this way and reacted this way. I don't. Maybe someday I will. Maybe someday I will.

A few days later I called Tia and told her about Ully's website. She contacted her, and they got in touch through emails.

I guess I was not ready to be in touch with her again. I remember I sent a couple of messages through ICQ, and when it didn't get any responses I was sort of relieved. I didn't know how I would go about talking to her again. "Hey, girl, how are you? I miss you so much, but don't bother though. Never mind, I don't exist."

Awkward.

Years went by. I got married, moved from one job role to another, until I left my last office to be a freelance forever.

Tia is a very busy high-career woman now. I often lost contact with her, but we always manage to get in touch again. I mean, how big is Jakarta. She is a law counsellor focusing on IPR. She's still the same sweet and nice girl I once knew. She never changed, she's my Tia.

After I left office life, I looked up Ully on the net a couple of times, hoping to find her latest journal. I searched Friendster, search engines, Orkut, MySpace, hi5, any communities I was invited to. All turned up nothing, only her old site that was RIP since 1999. I still bookmarked it anyway, still loved the design and all.

Until a couple of months ago, I sent an email to her old address (the same address I once sent email to, but got no response).

The next day, I received her reply.

..to be continued..

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