Skip to main content

Long Time Friendship: Part Five (the end)

...
Read previous chapter


It's been long enough since I left this story on halt. I was more than happy to put an ending. The thing was, I didn't know how's the ending. But like every story in life, it eventualy must come to an end. I always hope it's a happy one. But I gotta be ready for anything. After all, a closure is all that I want.

Where was I? Ow, yes. I finally pulled my guts to send her an email. I had no expectation. Is the email still alive? Maybe, maybe not. If it's alive, will I get response? If I do, what will it be like? Is she still the same girl I once knew?

---------

From: Riana
To: trully
Sent: Tuesday, September 13, 2005 8:04 AM
Subject: test

test

---------

From: trully
To: Riana
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 4:38 AM
Subject: Re: test

test juga

---------

From: Riana
To: trully
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 3:22 PM
Subject: Re: test

ini Ully bukan?

---------

From: trully
To: Riana
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 11:39 PM
Subject: Re: test


kirim emailnya ke ully bukan? ;)
tumben nih... apa kabar Riana? masih tinggal di Tomang?

---------

Yep, I got response, alright. The email address is still alive and she remembers me. We continued catching up on Yahoo Messenger. We swapped stories about life and family in general. She's married with one child, works in Atlanta as a web developer, still an Indonesian citizen, waiting for her greencard. The rest I already knew from her journal.

Now what? I should be happy, right? I mean, she's open, she talks to me, she still remembers those baking time we had together.

"Inget gak kita dulu suka ngumpul nyobain resep :)"
"siapa sih yang bisa lupa dulu kita sering cobain resep?"

Call me crazy lunatic self-centered drama-queen whatever. But, yes, I still didn't feel 'it'. I think we didn't connect like we used to. I think (maybe this is just me, having the past experience haunting me) our conversation was cold and awkward and unnatural. There's no "whoa, she's back". There's no chemistry.

Then I realized maybe I AM crazy. Maybe the world was fine now. And I was the one who had a cuckoo in my head. Maybe the problem was: I didn't trust her enough. I was hurt once, I was affraid to trust her again. My defense mechanism worked to protect my heart from bleeding again by accusing her of being awkward and cold, no matter how friendly and warm her response was.

So I figured out I need to see Tia. Although we always keep in touch, we never really sit down long enough to unload some real complete stories about everything. I need to unload this on her and see what she says. She might complete some holes here and there, and I might get the closure I want. Whatever it is.

So I made contact with Tia and asked her to get together for a nice girl talk somewhere. Well, well, busy life delayed the girls-party until almost a year. But then we finally met. One afternoon at EX, Plaza Indonesia. While chewing Old Chang Kee's fried squids (man, that's the best snack!), and sipping ginger tea and Hauyang (was it the name?), we caught up until late at night. We swapped stories so intensely we totally forgot about dinner. Girls.

Tia listened to this whole story (some parts she already knew), starting right where I began: the three-names-label I found at my parents' house. After I finished, I went for my closure:

Apakah dia pernah gak suka sama gue? Or gue ada bikin salah yang bikin dia gak suka sama gue?
"Gak tuh."
Tapi foto loe ada, foto gue gak ada.
"Don't be silly. Kan selepas SD emang gue sama dia jadi lebih deket, karena elo sekolah siang, sementara gue dan dia sekolah pagi. Otomatis gue dan dia lebih sering main, dan kita les gitar bareng. Dan gue nyomblangin doi sama blablabla.." (we both continued laughing together at the past)

Tapi dia nyuekin gue di bis.
"Gue yakin karena saat itu dia lagi jadian sama that boy. Pasti risih sendiri aja karena elo mantannya that boy." (Amazing how teenage sillines can summon all the power to ruin a relationship. Amazing how humans with brains fell for it.)

Tapi di YM juga dia kaku gitu.
"Ke gue juga gitu kok. Soalnya dia online karena kerja. Apalagi karena terkadang dia kerja di rumah, jadi kayaknya sibuk nyambi ngurus anak juga. Biasalah, kita juga gak betah chatting kan kalo banyak kerjaan."
Iya ya, gue ama elo aja gak pernah chatting (starting to realize how accute my drama-queen disease this time).

So do you think we're ok? (I can trust her again? I said in mute mode)
"Yeah. I think you're both ok. In fact, she kept asking if I finally got together with you. She said she doesn't have many friends there, she envies that we both can meet anytime we want, just like we used to do when we were kids."

I decided that was sufficient for my closure. I couldn't ask for better comfort. I know there were parts where Tia was just being a good friend, trying to rationalize for my sanity. That's ok. It's the unloading that set me free.

So here I am, finishing my story. Healing my old wound, the one I never quite realized of being existed. All must come to an end. And I'm ending my long-time confusion, getting me back my faith in a friend, that I should never ever lose in the first place.

It'll be nice if someday the three of us can get together and bake again. Maybe we'll be like, what, 50 years old? It's cool to see three grannies baking cookies together, just like they used to do forty years ago back in elementary school. Forty years ago. Sounds like another life. When everything seemed to be so much easier. I am looking forward to that moment.

Thursday, June 08 2006 | 01:49 AM
To my girl friends, wherever you are
...

Comments

  1. gue punya pengalaman yg mirip sama elo, karena gue bertemen juga bertiga (A, B & gue). waktu SD deket sama A, waktu SMA deket sama B (karena si A pindah sekolah). satu kali gara2 ortu gue, gue sama si A & suaminya (cowonya waktu itu) jadi menjauh. tapi terus bisa menjalin lagi karena ternyata hubungan kita lebih kuat daripada gara2 kesalahan ortu. sekarang udah kompak lagi ber-3, tapi karena berjauhan cuma bisa ngobrol lewat tlp. sedih karena jauh, tapi senang, setidaknya kita sama2 di US.

    koq jadi cerita...heheeh. gue bahagia deh udah tamat ceritanya...;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is a sad story , I can feel the pain in your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello! It's been a long time. I have been in seclusion blogging in the draft box, sigh! However, I am back now and i a m FREE!!! Will be blogging openly again so watch out for it! :) Missed you and your blogs!

    www.vanillaskiesheaven.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. hai riana..
    malam ini sy mampir kesini, krn pengen tau kaya gimana ya yg pny dapur pennylane ;-)
    daaan..apa yg sy temuin??..waaaaaw...!!
    Ully, Ani, Dini..mrk temen2 SMA sy, juga suaminya Ully.
    hmm..mbaca crita ini mbuat sy teringat kenangan 20 taun yg lalu..

    btw, i love 'till there was you' and 'pennylane' too

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ The':
    Hi The', thanks for stopping by.
    Ah, ya, those good ol' days ya..

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taman Nasional Ujung Kulon: Surga Di Ujung Barat Pulau Jawa

Scroll down to go directly to technical data: "Not So Lonely Planet" section.
Di belakang antrian 9 set foto dan 16 catatan perjalanan yang entah kapan bisa lunas, dengan ngos-ngosan namun pantang menyerah, saya mulai cicil hutang ini sebelum maut menjemput. Biangnya adalah hilangnya smart phone saya yang menyimpan catatan-catatan perjalanan Wakatobi, Ternate, Raja Ampat, Banda Neira, Ambon (day to day!) dan Baduy Dalam. Usaha mengerahkan teman-teman saya untuk meng-sms nomor saya tersebut meminta agar file-file tersebut diemailkan ke saya tidak membuahkan hasil. Akhirnya saya harus mengikhlaskan dan memblokir nomor itu lalu mengurus kartu baru.

Sejak itu, hutang yang memang sudah menumpuk menjadi semakin menggila. Saya berhenti mencatat. Baik secara harfiah maupun dalam kepala. Setiap kali backpacking, semuanya saya biarkan lewat tanpa berusaha menangkap kata-kata. Saya resapi segalanya, namun enggan menerjemahkannya ke dalam diksi. Rasanya malas sudah menyusun bunga rampai…

What Happened To The Universe?? - Ketika Semut Tak Lagi Doyan Kemut

Sebetulnya saya sangat sayaaaaang pada mahluk koloni yang rajin ini. Pekerja yang tangguh, giat dan ulet. Selama ini saya merasa mereka adalah sahabat-sahabat saya di dapur dan di mana-mana. Tiap kali mereka mengerumuni makanan di atas meja, saya cuma tersenyum maklum, lalu memindahkan makanan ke tempat yang aman dari jangkauan mereka. "Semut juga perlu makan." Ehm, bijak.

Merekaada di sekitar saya untuk mengingatkan supaya senantiasa memelihara kualitas ketangguhan dan kerajinan seperti mereka. "Piknik tanpa semut, bagaikan ke pasar tanpa beli duren." *eh*

Tapi, tapiiiiiiiii... akhir-akhir ini mereka semakin nakal dan banyak akal. Air putih pun mereka kerumuni. Wadah kedap udara berhasil mereka tembus. Tutup botol diterabas. Plastik digeripisi. Hey, hey, lantas apa arti persahabatan kita selama ini? Apa???

Tahukah kamu, semut-semutku sayang, sudah bertahun-tahun para penjual racun semut itu saya cuekin karena sungguh saya gak mau melukai kamu? Sekarang, inikah balasa…

Taman Nasional Karimun Jawa: How Can I Leave This Place?

Saya sudah berhutang terlalu banyak catatan perjalanan. I realize the beast that holds me back adalah karena saya sendiri sering terbosan-bosan baca catatan perjalanan. Yang langsung saya baca adalah data teknisnya. Lalu seorang teman bilang, "Kalo gitu baca aja Lonely Planet." Lah, memang! :)Bukan cuma itu. Menuliskannya kembali memaksa saya untuk menghidupkan lagi semua ingatan akan segalanya. Dan itu kerap kali bikin seluruh badan mengilu ingin kembali dan membanjiri wajah saya dengan air mata. Jangankan menulisnya. Baru sampai di bus pulang atau di Damri dari airport saja saya sudah mewek tersungguk-sungguk sampe kondektur Damri salting sendiri. In the case of Karimun Jawa, saya bahkan sudah nangis di perahu yang membawa kami menjauhi P.Menjangan Kecil di hari terakhir! Bukankah keterlaluan?